I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
