I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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