Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
