o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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