I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
