They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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