I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
