9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
