i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
