Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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