What did we do last night that was yellow?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
