Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
