Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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