I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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