Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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