Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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