It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
