we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
