Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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