you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
