You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
