went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
