Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Will you blow on my dice?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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