Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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