It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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