Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
