Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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