im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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