U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
