About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
