saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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