she was so not down for the gang bang
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
