hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
