I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
