Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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