cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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