i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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