Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
