She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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