She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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