who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
