I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
