she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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