I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
