good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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