you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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