Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I faked an abortion last night.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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