we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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