I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
