my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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