I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
