I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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