seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
