I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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