i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
