I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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