I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
