i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
